As a transgirl , feels like the majority of men i attract are ones who would publicly hate us.

I am a very passable trans girl. been on HRT since a younger age. and even had top surgery . i look very girly when im full made up to the point where i get hit on often with people not knowing im trans.

i also havent had a bottom surgery because i dont want one . not yet anyways.

But during my transitions and college years i would want to experiment sexually and see what i enjoy and what not so i would use dating apps and see how it goes and the majority of men and women i attracted where ones double my age .. who are parents and married . and just looking to hookup.

alot of which after i meet, turn out to be somewhat homophobic or transphobic . like very obvious from their way of talking and how they treated me when we met and like the comments they made.

like the sex would feel very rough almost like hatefucking or like they proving a point or doing it to show how manly they re or idk how to explain it but its like being fucked by someone who is against you and they just have no respect towards you.. even would misgender me and use bad words

the issue is... sometimes it worked and i would get a hard on or even cum during it which thye see and go even harder and to me its like i lost to them .. specially tht i would end up wanting more of it and meeting them again. just to let them do all those things and i cum then feel stupid for allowing it but i just feel like i developped this need towards them which feels like i proved them right and lost to them but i still meet them..