I’m Trying to Be Good, But God…

I don’t even know where to begin. Maybe with the way I woke up his mouth between my legs, tongue deep inside me, making me gasp before I was even fully conscious. My ex knows exactly how to make me lose my mind, and fuck, did he do it again. Bent me over the balcony of the hotel room and filled me up not fully, just the tip but enough to feel him pulse inside me. It was dirty, wrong, raw… and I needed it.

But the truth is he’s only good for sex. That’s all it ever was. I didn’t go home to him.

I went home to my boyfriend. The one I love. The one I ache for on a soul deep level.

We spent the day together, and God, I’m such a horny little slut for him. He knows it too. I gave him head while he drove, messy and desperate, swallowing every drop like he was the only one who could satisfy me and in a way, he is. He said it was the best orgasm of his life. I felt it in how he twitched in my mouth, how he gasped and bucked into my throat.

And then there was tonight. Me, sitting on top of his bare cock, grinding slowly, my pussy dripping all over him. The look in his eyes… I’ll never forget it. The way he watched me like he was ready to give in, finally, completely. He spanked his cock on my entrance, nudged the tip inside and held it there. I felt it stretch me open, just barely. His hips flexed like he couldn’t help himself.

It was passionate. It felt like making love, not just sex. I got up a few times, not because I didn’t want it, but because I needed to see him. Admire him. That face I love so much, eyes locked with mine like they were saying, “Do it. Just fuck me.”

But I couldn’t make that call. I won’t. He needs to be the one to decide when it happens. I love him too much to ever make him feel like I forced something sacred. If he wants to wait until marriage, I’ll respect that no matter how soaked I get, no matter how much my body begs.

Still… my mind is replaying that moment over and over. His tip right there. The weight of him underneath me. The heat. The need. How easy it would’ve been to just sink down onto him and never look back.

I’m trying to be good. I really am. But God… I want him so bad it hurts.