[muslim F] i gave a blowjob for the first time to a white man

This is something I never thought I’d be writing about, and especially not doing! But at the start of the summer, I gave a blowjob for the first time. From a conservative Muslim family, spending time alone with a man is strictly forbidden, but since I'm studying abroad, I was surrounded by a new culture with new friends. I would hear about their escapades and secretly enjoyed them.. felt wrong getting off to my attractive new friends and their stories but i just couldnt resist thinking of it by myself
Anyway, at the end of my first year, theres usually a big party just at the start of summer before everyone travels home. i had my flight booked literally the next day after that party. But i got convinced to go with my friends. and as someone who doesnt drink i didnt mind going cause i knew i could just leave whenever i wished to go and my friends did promise they would leave with me ( cause sometimes walking back home is scary alone)

Anyway i went at the party, enjoyed my time but slowly, each of my friend would end up hooking up, i see them makeout then disappear... And i realized its very common, that everyone goes their wanting to hook up since its like afuck it party and we wont see each other for months. Anyway i ended up alone cause they all ended hooking up ... But i was talking to a guy ,, i was friends with , just chatting. He was a few years older than me , white, had a rugby body. and he was very nice.. and very flirty which i would usually try and not focus on cause im not used to it.

He then offered to walk me home cause i was alone which i appreciated.. he didnt stop flirting ..

When we got to my place he asked if he could just get a cup of water so i invited him in... And he then took it to another level

He got close to me started feeling my body ... telling me he always wanted an arab girl and would be a shame if not.. and saying like " i know you want it, or i know you loved being flirted with by someone like me"

And he wasnt wrong.. i am not someone who is considered attractive by people specially with my modest look, and being surrounded by these hotter girls, i kinda never get flirts unless its from creepy randoms in the streets. so yes he was out of my league annd him flirting with me made me feel good. but i didnt expect it to go this far.

And i just froze i am a shy person who hates confrontation and i didnt know what to do or say..

He then got his dick out , it was average sized uncute dick but it was very wide, like fat. and he started stroking and told me he will stop and leave if i ask him to. but kept telling me stuff like " i know you are curious how a dick feels. u dont even have to do anything , just touch it"

And i gave up... i ended up stroking it a bit , he then sat down on my bed and told me to keep stroking it while he felt me up... i didnt say a word all night while with him. i just was very confused and didnt know how to feel or react..

he then held my head and told me to try an suck it ... i did i struggled at first but he kept guiding me .. again not a word said by me all night .. half of it I wasn’t even doing it W he was just moving his hips or my head up and down not care about me struggling or choking

But he didnt stop saying dirty talk and it was a lot of raceplay talk about his fat white cock and my arab mouth . And saying stuff like i couldnt resist his forbidden cock etc.. it was quickly very dominant from him and kept going until he came and left and i just was in shock of what i just did and knowing im meeting my family the next day ..

it felt very wrong , even more that i enjoyed it . i enjoyed doing it , but i even enjoyed the raceplay. the insults . the domination... And didnt stop thinking of it all summer . No one knows about it yet.

And he is coming back to our college this month and i dont know what to think o and somewhat scared of meeting him again..15:36Message